For the Record: Stranger than fiction

View this email in your browser Brought to you by USATODAY.com Seriously, people: 2015 was just plain dumb. It's the year where everything that was supposed to happen didn't. (Remember when Jeb Bush was the Republican heir apparent? Or when Scott Walker - and then Marco Rubio  - were considered unbeatable?) Name-calling became so commonplace (jerk, maniac, schlonged) that the press got *this* close to calling candidates Asshats 1 and 2. Yes, friends, 2015 was the year where an Iowa teenager who called himself Deez Nuts polled surprisingly well against candidates in both parties. And the real choices for president were so uninspiring that people actually welcomed Kanye's run in 2020. You can't make this stuff up. Because truth often was stranger than fiction this year, we at Team FTR figured we'd predict a few bizarre things that won't phase anyone if they happen next year. Viva 2016! TRUMP WRESTLES A BEAR WHAT ACTUALLY HAPPENED: Donald Trump's doctor took a page from his campaign and proclaimed him "the healthiest individual ever elected to the presidency." And people wonder why there is now a Chrome extension to cleanse browsers of all Trump references. WHAT COULD (BUT PROBABLY WON'T) HAPPEN IN 2016: Trump, eager to prove his excellent health, challenges other candidates to an old-fashioned bear wrestling tournament. Fearing that would winnow the Republican ticket to one and a half candidates, Jeb Bush challenges Trump to a thumb war instead. Trump chooses the bear. IOWA BECOMES IOWA WHO?  WHAT ACTUALLY HAPPENED: The candidate that spent the most time campaigning in the caucus state - Bobby Jindal - is now out of the race, and others that have spent beaucoup time there - Rick Santorum, Carly Fiorina and Mike Huckabee - haven't gained any traction. It's a similar phenomenon in New Hampshire, according to a National Journal analysis. WHAT COULD (BUT PROBABLY WON'T) HAPPEN IN 2016: States decide that being first doesn't matter and clamor to move their elections closer to the summer conventions, hoping that being last gives them the final say. Candidates also forgo expensive TV ads, because they don't seem to be helping anyone, and parlay their cash into hosting elaborate banquets for voters with those big turkey legs you often see at renaissance festivals. DEBATES GET A BUZZER WHAT ACTUALLY HAPPENED: After multiple debates, we've learned that there is such a thing as a stupid question and that, yes, even Hillary Clinton can get stuck in the bathroom during a commercial break. But as for where candidates stand? The good folks at Politico pored through the transcripts to find that, yes,  candidates really did say that. And that. And good lord, that. WHAT COULD (BUT PROBABLY WON'T) HAPPEN IN 2016: Moderators are empowered to ask "really?" any time candidates go off the deep end, and the audience gets buzzers. When more than half of those in attendance press their buttons to dislike what's being said, a gong goes off -- much like the one that sounded for George Pataki before he reportedly dropped out of the race Tuesday -- and a vaudeville hook appears to sweep the offending candidate off stage. THEN 'IDIOCRACY' HAPPENS Could this be the next president's inaugural State of the Union? Before we sign off, Joanna, Brett and Jessica present you President Camacho's three-point plan from the movie "Idiocracy" (careful, it's NSFW). And before you sign off, sign up to get us six days a week in your inbox! Thank you for subscribing to the . Got some feedback, a tip or just want to say hello? Email us at newsletters@e.usatoday.com. USA TODAY, a division of Gannett Satellite Information Network, Inc. Unsubscribe from the Why did I get this? Update my subscription preferences USA TODAY 7950 Jones Branch Drive McLean, VA 22102

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